I wrote out like 5 pages and was like.... this is too dark. ..
Added 2021-02-13 21:32:08 +0000 UTCI wrote out like 5 pages and was like.... this is too dark. People won’t be able to handle this. Just go heal and continue on. People can go down my social media and see I’m not a racist. If they really believe that... they can. This is America and they can do whatever they want. I’m struggling. Idk what black people want from me. A petition? Pictures? Volunteer hours? Get off my back. But if my neighbor is spreading rumors that I’m racist then that would explain why I’m being treated poorly around here. There’s nothing I can do about his paranoia or accusations and I’m frustrated cuz he can accuse me of being racist without any proof. I don’t need the community labeling me like that. People aren’t being nice to me and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because of the “China virus” thing Trump did. Idk. I don’t feel good. I’m tired. Snacks and tv time. So many things to express. I think it sucks ass that all the things I care about are uninteresting and that I only get attention when I’m naked or saying something stupid. I’ve never seen any of these people speak up for police brutality or genocides against my (Asian) people so it’s not like I’m fucking missing anything. Rawr. Im having the worst time in my community from white and black people and... I’m numb and in pain at the same time. I don’t care anymore. Fuck. Yes, continue Ching chonging me and calling me Kung pao chicken and enjoying being able to ducking get away with it. I ducking hate it here. It gets harder by the day to leave the house. I’m not enjoying leaving anymore and that’s like not okay. 😅 Im staying in my house unless a friend visits or walks me out cuz I’m tired of being bullied when I’m out just walking the dog. I’m gonna watch American Gods, keep cleaning my room, work out, pet Gang Gang and relax today. I can do that. Breathe and remember that everything will be okay. After some yummy food I’ll have to pick out a good anime to cleanse my pallete. Recommendations appreciated. If you’re here to minimize my experience or show me how you’re another typical pos who will wear and eat my culture but ignore our struggles then GO FUCK YOURSELF. THANKS. FUCK OFF. MY EXPERIENCES ARE JUST AS PAINFUL AND VALID AS YOURS AND YOURE NOT ALLOWED TO DUMP ON ME JUST BECAUSE IM SMALLER AND YOU THINK IM BENEATH YOU IN THE SOCIAL TOTEM POLE. FUCK IM TALKING A LOT AGAIN. Agh. Where’s the weed when you need it. 😩 🌸 Brb as I unfry my brain and reset with meditation and yoga. Friend squad is pulling me away from all the “weird stuff” I’m doing on the internet and the throwing money everywhere thing. I don’t want to read any more mentally harmful content anymore either. Asians have a high enough rate of suicide and I should take care of myself even if people can’t see me. Sorry for when I’ve sucked and made mistakes. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone and looking back i see how it hurt people. I’m still processing some things and I’m still some what confused. Going to breathe and keep going. 🌸
